"Pirates of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides" is over 2 hours long. Despite that, by the time it's over a HUGE number of seemingly important things remain unexplained. What follows is a breakdown of the stuff that's STILL bugging me - how about you?
SPOILERS, obviously, follow...
What happened to the Priest? Seriously. She pulls him down under water and...? Did I nod off? I mean, this isn't my first rodeo so I get what the vauge implication is, but still - is he a mer-man now? Is he dead but it's okay because he got some half-fish nookie first? Hell, for that matter he's technically a drowned sailor; oughtn't Will Turner - Captain of the Flying Dutchman charged with overseeing who lives and dies at sea - have something to say on that matter?
For that matter, oughtn't The Dutchman be popping up to collect whoever's left from that ship Barbossa let's the Mermaids sink?
If BlackBeard's magic sword lets him remote-control every facet of the Queen Ann's Revenge from the sails down to the riggings, why does he require ANY crew - let alone one comprised of zombies and kidnappees?
For THAT matter, given the same circumstances (magic sword, total-control of giant floating Death Star) why is BlackBeard having his men awkwardly corrall Mermaids like runaway seals when just driving them up onto land would work just as well?
Hell, if "man-made-light" is needed to draw out the Mermaids, why do they need to use a lighthouse when The QAR has a ginormous flame-thrower already built into it?
Also, if BlackBeard has the (unexplained) magic power to shrink whole boats (and crew, and localized weather conditions) down into bottles, why do they need to lug the Mermaid around in a full-sized glass casket?
Also, if Mermaids have been captured for harvesting their tears multiple times before, why doesn't ANYONE - including the Mermaid herself! - already know that letting one "dry off" for less than 10 seconds makes them sprout legs? And if they DID know - why the casket, again?
Why is Jack Sparrow suddenly vaugely concerned about getting into Heaven and/or the afterlife in general? He's been undead, dead-dead and back-from-the-dead, keeps regular company with mystics and a literal Sea Goddess, plus he's besties with the current Captain of The Flying Dutchman - aka the guy who makes the live/die call for those who die in the environment Sparrow is 98% certain to meet his end in the first place?
...and wait a tic - HOW is Christianity or Monotheism in general taken as hugely important by Sparrow or ANY pirate when said literal Pagan Sea Goddess, Calypso, was a regular aquaintance/prison/comrade/whatever of hundreds of thousands of pirates for decades in the very recent past? And even before we knew about her; Jack, Barbossa and the rest all hand firsthand experience with a very real curse handed down by "the heathen gods?"
Speaking of Calypso; if The Spainards are on a crusade to exterminate sources of Pagan supernatural power; why are they sailing ACROSS an entire ocean controlled by a source Pagan supernatural power without incident?
How is a magic map previously shown to exist outside the laws of basic material physics vulnerable to an oil fire?
BlackBeard is "the pirate all pirates fear"... so why haven't we seen or heard ANYTHING of him until right now? Like, say, at the big "every pirate in the world meet n' greet" in the 3rd movie?
If BlackBeard, Angelica and Jack needed the Chalices and the Magic Words to enter the Fountain, how did everyone else - including two small armies - just walk there?
Why does Angelica need to be in Jack Sparrow Drag to recruit for BlackBeard? Sparrow's reputation is for surviving when almost everyone else around him dies - why is that MORE attractive to anyone than working for a preposterously hot Latin chick whose apparently got the cash to throw around? "They don't trust a woman to lead them" doesn't wash - we've seen female Pirate Captains in the series already... in fact, the ENTIRE "Pirate Nation" only a couple years ago fought and won the biggest and most-decisive battle in their history under a female Pirate KING, Elizabeth Swan.
Why didn't The Spainards takes Barbossa's wooden leg when they captured him? Seems like kind of an obvious oversight.
For that matter, master-schemer Barbossa thinks to conceal a compartment of rum in his peg-leg... but not a gun? A knife? A weapon of some kind?
If the water in the pools where the Mermaid-tear harvesting was done is connected directly to the water pooling around the fountain; why do you NEED to get the healing-water directly from the fountain "tap?" Does immortality get added to "regular" spring-water through some mechanism in that sculpture-thingee? If so, why not just take that thing - which can be easily broken-apart - back home to wherever and brew up a fresh pot of live-forever-juice whenever you need it?
If not, and the Immortality Water DOES come directly out of the spring itself, why is it "the end" when The Spainards knock over the already-crumbling temple? Fresh water springs come up from DEEP in the Earth; with a little digging that whole setup will be good as new.
Why does the Priest randomly decide that the Mermaid needed to have a proper name; and where did he get "Syrena?"
And, hell, if "Syrena" is hyper-perceptive enough tell that the Priest is "different... a protector" (?) seconds after encountering him for the first time in the middle of an organized mass-assault on her people by his, why is she not bothered by his first two instincts on meeting her to be, in order: A.) "Treat her like an exotic pet" and B.) "Want to fuck her?"
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