Finding funny words to rhyme with "Conan" is harder than you'd think

Here's the easiest prediction I or anyone else will make all summer: Come August, the most obnoxious strata of the nerdscape by far will be the folks swearing that the awful-looking Marcus Nispal directed "Conan" movie - which has a new, awful-looking trailer below - is in some way superior to John Milius/Arnold Schwarzenegger "Conan" on the grounds that it's "closer" to the original Robert E. Howard "Conan" stories.

I'm not myself 100% sure how one GET'S "closer" to REH's work unless it's a direct adaptation of one of his actual stories - which this new film isn't. The original "Conan" canon is many things (awesome, for example) but what it's NOT is imbued with a particularly dense continuity or consistency. For the most part they are united solely by the fact that the main character (whose profession and disposition change from tale to tale) is named Conan.

Oh, I'm sure that it'll be chock-full of REH references - it's a given that someone calling himself Thoth-Amon will turn up, and that Howard's myriad fictional civilizations and peoples will get name-checked as it goes, and maybe they'll toss in some of the more public-domain-ish Cthulhu jargon if they want to really work people up... but no, that's not enough to make this look like anything beyond the mid-level "Hercules: The Legendary Journeys" knockoff it continues to resemble.

Also: Jason Momoa looks like a guy who fronts "totally-brutal" local metal band in Wisconsin but on weekdays works the key-making station at Home Depot - dunno why, but that's the impression I get.