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This Is (Apparently) Loki's Army In "Avengers" - And They Might Be Teasing Something AWESOME...

Fandango has a new TV spot up for "The Avengers," which has some new dialogue and footage (it's a very Hulk and Iron Man heavy clip) that most-notably features the first (brief) facial close-up of the yet-unnamed creatures serving as Loki's foot soldiers. I took a screencap, posted below the jump. And yes, I have some guesses...


So... they're cool looking, right off the bat - it goes with the unapologetic comic-booky-ness of the whole production that the aliens (or whatever they are) would be guys with impossible-to-look-anything-other-than-evil monster-faces; and I loooooove that they seem to use melee weapons, implying LOTS of hand-to-hand combat.

As for what they "are?" Well, it's entirely possible that they're something entirely new or just "The Aliens." But because it's fun to keep playing the "spot the Marvel Universe reference" game...

They definitely don't seem to be Skrulls. Maybe they were at one time and it got switched around (they used motion-capture, so it wouldn't be out of the question) hence the early reports, but they don't seem to be now. They also look a little too specific to be The Chitauri, aka "Ultimate Skrulls." They're most reminiscient of The Badoon, who're your basic Gangly/Green/Goblinesque pulp-scifi aliens and whose helmets and armor kinda/sorta looked like similar to that when they wore them. The most interesting thing about The Badoon is that they have a "libido problem" - their society had to be forcibly gender-segregated because their mating instinct literally turns them into savage beasts. Also, the "veil" part of the helmet sort of makes them look Egyptian. Maybe Thor and The Aesir aren't the only Ancient Aliens? On the other hand... the face on the big guy right up front looks familiar in a different way...


The handsome guy on the right is Beta Ray Bill; probably the most significant character in the "Thor" universe outside of Loki and Thor himself. Created by Walt Simonson in his landmark Thor run in the 80s, Bill is a the sworn protector of The Korbonites, a nomadic/planetarily-displaced alien race whose homeworld was destroyed by Thor villain Surtur.

You may notice that he dresses like Thor. Why? Well, when Thor first encountered Bill they mistoke eachother for enemies. During the fight, Bill got hold of Mjolnir (Thor's magic hammer) and - per the rules of Odin's "If Ye Be Worthy, Possess The Power of Thor" spell - was imbued with Thor's powers. This was kind of a big deal at the time, because very few other beings in the Marvel Universe are supposed to be "worthy" enough to lift it without some kind of loophole or an exception from Odin (Captain America can do it, of course.) Eventually, Bill got his own equivalent to Mjolnir called "Stormbreaker," and he's been a fan-favorite Marvel mainstay ever since.

Now, I doubt that that's Bill in the "Avengers" screencap, but given that A.) Loki as the main heavy and The Cosmic Cube as the likely main MacGuffin tie this very close to the "Thor" universe to begin with and B.) "Thor 2" is further into pre-production than any post-"Avengers" Marvel sequel other than "Iron Man 3;" these guys could very well be Korbonites (controlled/enslaved by Loki?)... and if one of them were to, say, snatch up Mjolnir and suddenly sprout Asgardian armor it'd be one HELL of a tease for "Thor 2" - to say nothing of a garaunteed tear-the-roof-off moment of fanservice.

On the other hand, The Korbonites don't all look like Bill (he was "modified" into a more monstrous form as part of making him a better soldier) in the comics, but that doesn't necessarily need to be the case here. Definitely a longshot either way, but... honestly? How cool is it that something like that isn't a complete impossibility?

"Man of Steel" Banner Looks Like You'd Expect

The familiar Superman shield rendered in weirdly-lit foundry/iron look? Okay, whatever. I like it more than the plasticky look from "Returns." It will, of course, be irrationally hated-upon; because apparently Zack Snyder ran over everyone on The Internet's dog at some point in the past.


People are assuming, with little evidence, that there'll be a trailer for this attached to "Dark Knight Rises." It will likely include a speed-ramping shot, despite the technique having been criminalized at the Movie Nerd Summit of 2010. Oh, Snyder... when will you learn that good composition isn't "cool" anymore?

Schwarzenegger. DeVito. Murphy. "Twins II: Triplets." Really.

And THIS would be the Monkey's Paw price we have to pay for the better parts of the 80s Nostalgia wave.

Everyone who's so psyched for Arnold Schwarzenegger to get back into movies now that his stint as Governator is over seemed to forget the sort of movies Arnie had been making in that looooooooong stretch between "True Lies" and his 2003 election. Sadly, it looks as though he's picking up in exactly the same mediocre place he left off...


The Hollywood Reporter says that Schwarzenegger will re-team with Danny DeVito and director (producer?) Ivan Reitman for "Triplets," a sequel to their mid-1980s comedy vehicle "Twins." If you're too young to remember "Twins," it was an entire movie built around the following joke: It's somewhat unlikely that Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito would be twin brothers. Taking the news from farce to tragedy is the accompanying news that the NEW unlikely-sibling (hence the title) will be portrayed by Eddie Murphy.



Y'know what's kind of amazing? With "Always Sunny" still going, DeVito is the only person mentioned whose actually "too good" for this material...

Escape to the Movies: "Wrath of The Titans & Mirror Mirror"

Did a Republican Candidate Just Almost Call The President a "N***er?" (NSFW)

The below-embedded video is all-but-washed-up Republican Presidential candidate Rick Santorum speaking in Janesville, Wisconsin this past Tuesday. It's a long video, but the important part comes right around 34:25 - when Santorum rattles off a series of descriptives of Barack Obama, but stumbles a bit over one part: "...the anti-war, government nig... uhhh..."

You can go directly to that part by clicking HERE. Refresh it a few times. Listen carefully. He obviously almost said something, and then stopped himself. Negotiator? Negativist? How many words could it concievably have been?



"Nig... uhh..." "Nig... uhh..." "Nig... uhh..." "Nig... uhh..."

Nig WHAT, Rick? Nig. What.

My Year? MADE.

Lousy Title, Good Trailer, Killer Premise

It's been assumed for awhile that if "Avengers" is a success it'll spur a interest in other "team-up" movies; but Dreamworks Animation isn't waiting around. Here's the trailer for "Rise of The Guardians," in which an evil force is combatted by a team of famous figures: Santa Claus, The Easter Bunny, The Tooth Fairy and The Sandman.

Someone didn't think of this sooner because...?

A Trailer For The Trailer For The Remake Of "Total Recall."

dundundundun-dundundundun-dundundundun-dundundundun
BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHM!!!!!!
everybody-sawinception-sonowletsallripoff-itstrailer
BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHM!!!!!!
colinfarrel-neverhappened-stoptryingto-makehimhappen
BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHM!!!!!!

Big Picture: "Mutants & Masses"

"Breaking Dawn" Teased

Imagine trying to explain what the hell is being advertised - and why it's worth of all the ominous music-cues - a scant few years from now when basically no one remembers (or wants to remember) that "Twilight" was ever a "thing?"

I Know This Exists, So Now YOU Have To Know This Exists

Old news? Maybe. But still... "Dahmer vs. Gacy." This is actually a movie.

Santorum Envisions Obamapocalypse

As tweeted by Hollywood-Elsewhere, this is apparently a real Rick Santorum campaign ad:



There are moments of increasing frequency where I honest wish it were possible for Santorum to be the Republican nominee. Not only would he be more likely to lose, but what would amount to a sustained public flogging of the worthless "Christian Right" mindset that both creates and buys into nonsense like this ad would be an enormously positive - to say nothing of entertaining - development.

Maybe Not Aliens?

Michael Bay and Platinum Dunes are clearly enjoying the amount of free publicity the off-the-cuff "they're Aliens now!" stuff has gotten their previously not-much-commented-upon TMNT reboot; otherwise there'd have been more "damage control." But early on, BadassDigest's Devin Faraci posited that maybe this was all a huge misunderstanding and it was really in reference to a "back to the source" take re: the original Mirage books, where the "Mutagen Ooze" that created the good guys came from T.C.R.I. Labs (T.G.R.I. in the movies, nonexistant in the show) which was actually a front for aliens called Utroms, who in turn inspired "Krang" in the animated series. Looks like he might've called it...

In an interview with Collider, director Johnathan Liebesman offered the following:

"Look, it’s so funny—if everyone was such a die-hard fan, they would know that the TCRI canisters where the ooze comes from.  That is alien ooze."

Well, okay then. This still doesn't help the broader issues - re: that Platinum Dunes is a terrible studio and Liebesman's thus-far sole screen effort ("Titans" isn't out yet) "Battle LA" was horrible - but it's definitely less head-scratching. And while it's currently en-vogue for fans to dismiss the 80s series out of hand (even though it's demonstably impossible for everyone who says they were fans of the Mirage comics first to really have been) I'd bet good money that if the follow-up announcement is "Oh, BTW... KRANG!" the "buzz" turns around right-quick.

Escape to the Movies: "The Hunger Games"

"Cosmopolis" teased

Below, a teaser for "Cosmopolis," which should be chiefly regarded as the next big David Cronenberg project but will innevitably be chiefly regarded as the next desperate stab at giving Robert Pattinson a post-"Twilight" career.

Based on a Dom DeLillo novel, it follows a day in the life (and within the tormented psyche) of a rich New York go-getter. And yes, that does appear to be a Tyrannosaurus Rex attacking a Sbarro at 0:26...

BONUS Big Picture: MAILBAG!

The Big Picture: "Found In Translation"

Laugh It Up...

Something that's getting old: Otherwise-insightful film writers snarking at TMNT fans for expressing any level of concern about Michael Bay's latest tomfoolery.



I "get" it, sure - fanboys can be some of the most obnoxious, entitled dipshits on the planet; the ongoing nonsense over "Mass Effect" demonstrates as much. But in this particular case I'm not convinced its a good idea to dissmiss the supposed "red flags" being raised out of hand as just another "OH NOES MAH NOSTALGIAZ!!!1!" thing. "Fanboys" can be the canary-in-the-coalmine of pre-production under certain circumstances, and there's more than enough precedent this time: EVERYONE poo-poo'd and snarked when "Transformers" fanboys flipped their collective shit over the early glimpses at what Bay was doing to THAT property; after all... but Chicken Little was RIGHT - "Bayformers" really WAS one of the most noxious, poisonous, anticinematic, artistically-destructive things ever to infect the popular culture...

...and those "whiny fanboys" WARNED. US. IT. WAS. GOING. TO. HAPPEN.

Maybe we oughtn't be THIS quick to laugh it off, is all I'm positing, given the track-record of those involved. I'd also offer that its weirdly-incongruous to be doing so the same week that we're all bending over backwards to smile and nod about treating "The Hunger Games" arriving in movie-form like the second-coming (its not, that's all you'll get out of me for now) because we're all relieved that "fangirls" are psyched for something that isn't "Twilight." Just sayin...

"Super Best Friends Forever." Watch. Now.

Via The Mary Sue:

Warner Bros., as has been well-established, doesn't have a fucking clue how to turn any DC Comics property that isn't Batman into a movie and/or TV show. Fortunately, their new "DC Nation" animation bloc will continue their proud tradition of contracting the work out to people who DO give a damn. Below, Lauren Faust - late of "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic" - and company debut the first installment of their mini-sode miniseries featuring Supergirl, Batgirl and Wondergirl.



Supergirl essentially filling the Melissa McCarthy "Bridesmaids" spot (re: kinda-chubby impulsive troublemaker) is all kinds of inspired - of course she'd be impulsive, she's indestructable! And why would someone who just flies everywhere have/need the Romanian gymnast physique of the other two?

The Transforming of Michael Bay

The assumption everyone had been working from re: Michael Bay and the "Transformers" movies was that he had MEANT it when he said he had no real interest in making movies based on an old toy property, and that he was only grudgingly taking the job(s) to build up the "fuck you money" that would let him get the projects he REALLY wanted to make off the ground. Even his surprise re-uppinng for "Transformers 4" had been understood as a condition to secure financing for the long-gestating "Pain & Gain."


But 3 sequels is a looooong time in Hollywood; and now itseems it might be worth asking: Has Michael Bay actually developed a "taste" for junk-culture nostalgia wanks? One can be forgiven for hoping he HASN'T, given how singularly ill-suited his sensibilities are for it, but the evidence is mounting. Remember that brief feeling of relief when it was confirmed that Bay would only be PRODUCING the "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" reboot, since that implied he wouldn't be all that involved? Well, it seems he's a more hands-on producer than people assumed: Apparently he's had a hand in the new film's reworked storyline... and fans aren't likely to be pleased with his new vision:

The Turtles are now Aliens. Yup. That'll go over real well...

Escape to the Movies: "Casa De Mi Padre"

Burton. Depp. "Dark Shadows."

So... Tim Burton's take on "Dark Shadows" boils down to "It's Beetlejuice, but he's the good guy?" Y'know what? I'm on board. I'm digging the whole "my pet vampire-grandpa" thing. This could work...

Japanese "Avengers"

Japanese trailer has, unexpectedly, LOTS of new footage; though no huge reveals that I can see:

AMERICAN BOB: "State of Decay"

American Bob sez States' Rights is stupid:



I'm aware that the onscreen-text for the source of the tax-disparity graphic is a lil' blurry; so to read it just go HERE.

Maybe It's Time To Stop Laughing At "Battleship?"

Y'know what I like about this? I like that the aliens seem to be just green lizard-guys wearing big stompy metal space-suits. That's old-school. I approve.

The Big Picture: "Relics"

Clever

This is probably old by now; but I get so few opportunities to actually see "regular" TV in the daytime it's new to me. So... yeah, kinda surprising to see a straight-up porno-spoof hawking domestic cleaning product:

MovieBob On Your Radio

Head's up, gang! I am on the radio tonight/tomorrow (March 12th) at 1:15am EST on Dr. Chris Radio of Horror, which you can listen to starting at Midnight EST on WCUW 91.3 FM. Those of you not in the Worcester/Boston area can listen to a stream of the show live at WCUW's site HERE.

Feel free listen for your's truly, but before hand the guest will be the great Trace Beaulieu of MST3K, aka Dr. Clayton Forrester and the original Crow T. Robot so it's probably gonna be a good show all around.

Escape to the Movies: "John Carter"

Even The Crazy-Racist Political Ads Are Better In Europe

DISCLAIMER: I have a feeling this video is probably also cropping up as a "toldja The EU was The Antichrist!" on freakjob right-wing conspiracy-nut sites. Obviously, that's not where I hang my hat; I just thought it was kinda funny/horrifying.

Courtesy Gail Simone's Twitter and the blog "Country Boy Life" I find this incredibly bizzare advertisement (which has apparently now been pulled from circulation) which was supposed to be part of a campaign promote enlarging/strengthening The European Union or "EU." It's a "Kill Bill" riff, in which a (white) woman in yellow/black jumpsuit is attacked in a warehouse by three enemies, whom she defeats by dividing herself into a crowd of clones, surrounding the attackers and ultimately causing them to stand-down and vanish.

The enemies? An Asian kung-fu fighter intro'd with a gong sound, a turban-wearing Middle Easterner with a scimitar (and levitation powers!) and a dreadlock'd black man doing Capoiera. The obvious symbolism is, I'm sure, a complete accident.



Uh... yeah. Wow. So... nice to know The U.S. doesn't have a monopoly on insane race-baiting political ads, I guess. Yikes.

Somehow, They Are Still Making This

Pictured: Armie Hammer and Johnny Depp as The Lone Ranger and Tonto, respectively. In answer to the obvious question: Yes, on his mother's side, apparently.

Johnny Depp in excessive, outlandish makeup and a funny hat? Whoa. Way to think outside the box, guys. I wonder if he has some kind of "offbeat" verbal-inflection?

I for one can't wait to read the Disney Studio P.R. release about how Tonto's look is A.) totally based on a real, extremely specific type of Native American attire - much more authentic than the way Tonto and Native characters in particular have typically been depicted before! - and B.) something that Johnny Depp brought to the table and insisted on and that "the suits" were all like "Noooo!" about but, man, you just gotta go with Johnny cuz that dude is just on a totally different visionary plane, man.

Yeah, okay, whatever. Johnny Depp has a bird for a hat and that's reeeeaaaalllllyyyy weird and everyone has already made that Nicholas Cage joke. What I wanna know is what's up with The Ranger's new look.

Not necessarily that they seem to have ditched the traditional red/white/blue color scheme (red kerchief, white hat, blue shirt typically, though it has differed), but what's the deal with the Marshall's badge? Traditionally, The Lone Ranger is a vigilante - a onetime Texas Ranger (or sometimes the civilian brother of a Ranger) left for dead who adopts an anonymous masked-persona to gain advantage over his would-be murderers. Is he an "official' lawman in this version? And, if so, why the mask?

"Venom" To Rise Again At Sony

As expected, the success of "Chronicle" put director Josh Trank at the top of the to-call list for damn near every still-gestating superhero project; and now it appears he's about to take his pick: A stand-alone vehicle built around "Venom." Yes, the Spider-Man villain.

Wait, what?

Okay, so the reason this is happening is because - despite not having been interesting once since the end of his main origin story - Venom is one of Marvel's cash-cows in terms of marketing (unless what you're trying to market are comic books, in which case everyone stopped giving a shit after Maximum Carnage.) Sony has been planning to give Venom his own movie franchise since before "Spider-Man 3," which is one of the reasons the character was forced into the movie (against director Sam Raimi's wishes) in the first place.

But... that's what makes this a head-scratcher: Sony has now re-booted Spider-Man, meaning that the Venom this new franchise was initially supposed to "start" from is kaput, right? I mean, they can't very well call "Venom" a continuation of "Spider-Man 3" at the same time that the new "Amazing Spider-Man" franchise is just getting off the ground, can they? Wouldn't that confuse the crap out of everybody? Or is this inadvertently spoiling that the "seeds" of the Venom story will be making some kind of appearance in "Amazing?" (Which, given the raging hard-on the producers have for this character, would be the least surprising thing that could happen in that movie.)

The answer, of course, is likely that the film will be "it's own thing" with no connection to the Spider-Man series and some totally new character getting infected by The Symbiote... except here's the problem with that: Spider-Man is the ONLY reason anyone cares about Venom.

The reason Venom is a great seller of t-shirts, toys and other sundry merchandising is that he looks cool; and what looks cool about him is that he's a "monster-version" of Spider-Man - right down to all of his powers being Spider-Man's powers. If this movie doesn't have any connection to Spider-Man, how do you explain the living-costume putting Spider-Man's logo on it's chest and using his web powers? I mean, you can't just leave that stuff out - take away the spider-powers and the "evil Spidey" look and this ceases to be the uber-marketable Venom that justified making the movie in the first place.

Big Picture: "Not Okay"

Unnecessary

So... this is the trailer for this year's SECOND least-needed threequel, "Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted." Do you see what I see?



Is that a fucking DECAPITATED PUPPY at 1:13? Because I'm pretty damn certain that's a fucking decapitated puppy at 1:13.

What.

The.

FUCK?

Clarity Of Flippancy

People forget this, but the purpose of "irreverent" humor is to get to the fundamental truth of something by cutting through the solemnity or import that surrounds it - to refer to disreputable pharmacuetical companies as "Drug Dealers," for example.

So it was when I read this Washington Post opinion piece from Lisa Miller; which aims to take an "if-it-walks-like-a-duck" look at the image of American "conservative" politics of the moment as typified by the movement's two dominant public-images: Pols and pundits crusading for the moral-right to keep women away from birth-control on one hand; Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum's campaign-images as patrician papas flanked by their beaming, obedient wives and armies of offspring on the other. What she comes up with is nicely summarized by the headline the Post's online-version used to tease the piece: "The Republican Fertility Cult."

Short, accurate, incendiary and to-the-point. Well done.

Men In Bluh

"Men In Black 3," possibly the least-demanded threequel since "Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles," has a newer, longer, plot-explainier trailer. Will Smith (who should really have better things to do with his time) time-travels back to the 60s to partner with Josh Brolin as the younger version of Tommy Lee Jones (who does have better things to do with his time, hence the time-travel storyline.)


Ah hah hah hah hah hah! A notably-unusual famous person is actually part of the MIB/Alien-Coverup scene! That bit NEVER gets old, amirite?

This Is The First I've Heard Of "Neighborhood Watch" And I Am Already Sick Of It

OMG, you guys... seriously... this is like SOOOOOO FUNNY! ThIS car is driving all slow-mo and people are looking all like "day-um!" but it's the suburbs instead of like New York or something and it's totally not that kind of car; and there's TOTALLY a rap song playing but they're all dweeby white dudes! LOL!



In the time it took to watch that trailer, you have already seen, shrugged and immediately forgot about this movie about five times.

Escape to the Movies: "Tim & Eric's Billion Dollar Movie"

AMERICAN BOB: "Lost & Founders"

"Frankenweenie" Trailer

The original "Frankenweenie" short-film - about a monster-movie obsessed kid who ressurects his dead dog with mad science told in as a black-and-white Frankenstein parody - is like a time-capsule of what used to make Tim Burton such and exciting voice in filmmaking.

The first trailer for the feature-length remake (still b&w, but now executed in stop-motion a'la That One Movie That Makes Us Keep Giving Burton Another Chance) hopes to recapture some of that magic; and other than insistently reminding us of "Alice in Wonderland" it seems to succeed:

Andrew Breitbart Is Dead

UPDATE: As can probably be expected, Breitbart's acolytes appear quite convinced that he was assassinated - surely another victim of the Terrifying Black Man who haunts their nightmares.

No doubt, kind of a shocker.

Obviously, it's no kind of "happy" occasion when someone clocks-out at 43 leaving a wife and 4 kids behind; it's easy to forget that someone whose "public face" and/or actions lead most to consider them fairly vile human beings can be someone's father, husband, son, etc. "offstage." I won't pretend to be especially "sad" for Breitbart himself, particularly considering I remember him asking "Why do you grant a bully special status upon his death?" when Ted Kennedy passed away. But for all the negativity that surrounded the man in life, I never heard anyone call him a bad father, so I have to assume his family is crushed by their loss and I feel bad for them.

Breitbart was an early Matt Drudge ally who assisted Ariana Huffington in the creation of Huffington Post; before striking out on his own with a series of websites (most notably "Big Hollywood") supposedly aimed at combating the boogeyman of "liberal media bias." The sites became a rallying point for writers and psuedo-celebrities of the extreme political-right, and really took off a few years ago with an infusion of support for the "Tea Party" movement.

"The Bigs" and their proprietor had their most infamous moments a few years ago, when they published video clips which seemed to show Agriculture Department employee Shirley Sherrod ( making racist remarks, leading to her persecution and resignation. The video clips were later revealed to have been edited from a longer piece in order to radically change the point of Sherrod's words. A defemation lawsuit against Breitbart and his associates remains ongoing. He was also a major player in the bizzare career of James O'Keefe, the video-prankster responsible for the "undercover expose" of ACORN workers - which also wound up being based on edited/cherry-picked video evidence.
 
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