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The Ugly Truth (2009)

Romantic Comedies, on-balance, are almost never good. They used to be good. They were good in the "golden age" when they were about dizzy, silly women and the exasperated men who wrangled them. They were good after that, too, in the early stages of what would come to be called feminism; when they were about assertive (but maybe not) women and their bewildered (but wily) men. They were good amid the institutional collapse and psycho-sexual chaos of the 70s. They were even good in the working-girl "backlash" atmosphere of the early 80s.

It's the last decade or so when they hit the wall - robbed of anything to say about the battle of the sexes by the crush of political correctness. They became, to the letter, predictable stories about mismatched opposites learning that they were both "wrong" in their approach to life and love and finding happiness only in bland, regimented compromise. Watching two people - however attractive - run in-tandem toward a haze of gray isn't interesting. And when they DID try to have something to say, usually it was of a vaugely self-hating (since, let's face it, these films are made for women) misogynist variety: Stories of overwhelmed career women rescued by a confident (but nonthreateningly-boyish) man enter the scene and declares - as "Family Guy" put it with uncharacteristic insight - "over the next 90 minutes, I'm going to show you how all your problems can be solved by my penis."

With all this as background, I feel comfortable saying that "The Ugly Truth," due to open wide on the 24th of July, is the best "traditional" romantic comedy to come along in a long time. It does almost everything right, it's inventive where it needs to be, and it WORKS. Taken as an example of it's genre, on those merits, it's a total success - a dynamite movie.

The premise you've been seeing in trailers for over a year now: Katherine Heigl is the genre's standard-issue "Type-A" career women; a TV producer (shades of Liz Lemon) who's daytime news program is in ratings trouble and who's love life is nonexistant because she's a control freak. As a ratings fix, her bosses opt to add to the show "300's" Gerard Butler as one Mike Chadway (sp?) the neo-neanderthal host of a vulgar (but massively popular) "guy's perspective" relationship advice cable show. She hates him, but he's a born TV star, they clash, etc. You get the idea. Being evidently just well-read enough to be aware of Cyrano DeBergerac, he makes her a deal: He'll prove that following his "how to get any guy" advice can land her the handsome doctor next door of her dreams... or he'll quit. Of course, if they should become friendly or close during the tutelage and he then has to hand her off to the other guy... yeah. Like I said, it's "Cyrano" again with one of the pieces swapped. Think you know who ends up with who? Yeah, you're right. Fuck a spoiler warning, honestly.

Why does this work? First, because it's funny. The script is mostly throwing layups, but their going in almost all the time. Uptight girl buying naughty lingerie? Yup, they make it work. Comedy phone-tag? Ditto. Food allergy slapstick? Yup, even that. Solid material, good cast, score. Execution is EVERYTHING. It also helps that Heigl and Butler are perfectly cast as leads in a film trading on the starkest of gender archetypes: With her impossible smile and Barbie body, Heigl is "The Girl" on an almost elemental level; while Butler - sporting permanent stubble, hatchet-job haircut, affecting an American accent that seemingly relies on speaking mostly from one side of his mouth and evidently still carrying most of his "spartan" physique around - is "Man" in the strictest anthropological sense of the word. They fit right in in the arch hyperreality of the genre.

But the main key here is that (okay, fine, SPOILER WARNING) the film doesn't take the "lesson teaching" route in it's resolution. We know they're going to discover that they love eachother, but in almost every other version of this story they discover this only after she's "taught" to lighten up and he's learned to be more civilized. That doesn't happen here!!! Because this is a film that "gets" these two people and doesn't look down on them. Either of them. SHE'S a control freak, but she's also a decent person and her Type-A mannerisms are what make her good at her job - which THIS film sees as a GOOD thing (take notes, "The Proposal.") Meanwhile, there's no "secret" or "psychosis" to Mike... he's an intelligent, observant guy who's arrived at his opinions on relationships logically and through experience and is open about the line between himself and his character ("your supposed to use that on stuck-up 25 year-old girls who think they're hot" he chides a nephew who borrowed some advice from his show "not 14 year-old girls you want to like you.") And the movie DOESN'T think he's all that wrong.

When it's said and done, SHE doesn't learn to "change" and neither does HE... they fall in love because they have chemistry and like eachother for who they are. She likes his gruff sincerity, he likes that she's a "control freak," and off they go. This isn't a "put her in her place" guy-movie or a "make a proper man out of him" chick-flick. It's "I'm who I am, you're who you are, this WORKS." When's the last time you saw that? AND it's really funny, to boot.

I say go see it, but that's me.

ETTM: "Harry Potter"

Game fuel

Have we all seen this commercial advertising the "World of Warcraft"-branded Mountain Dew?



Okay, in case YouTube is down the gag is that two women (it MUST be said, btw, that they're both in waaaaaaaay too good of shape to plausibly be THIS into either Mountain Dew or WOW) each buying one of the two flavors (red for Horde, blue for Alliance) recognize this fact, covertly draw big-ass medieval weapons and try to surprise-attack one-another, eventually morphing into their respective in-game avatars and going at it all over the store. Cute.

I submit to you that a 90-minute narrative expanding on this scenario is the only reasonable way for a "Warcraft" movie to work. (Or, at least, work WITHOUT just being Lord of The Rings in vastly less-practical costuming.) IMO, sometimes that's the key to these things - find a way to film what makes the property "work" rather than just the (typically-rote) mythos attached to it. See also: A movie about "Magic: The Gathering" ought to be built around various wizard/despot guys amassing armies to conquer big chunks of forest, lake etc. land in order to make their magic work better - until, of course, one of them messes with The Wrong Guy's Village ;)

"You put it together..."

I've resigned myself to the fact that I'm about the only guy left on the web who still thinks "G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra" has a fair chance of being good. I'd say the chances have only gotten BETTER recently - at this point, it can't possibly be WORSE than it's most-logical competition in "Transformers 2;" so objectively all it's gotta do is be better than... I dunno, "MegaForce?" What exactly is the gold-standard for paramilitary super-soldier scifi actioners at this point?

Eh, we'll see soon enough. For now, as far as I'm concerned, if the ONLY good thing to come out of this movie is this gloriously "retro" commercial for the film's tie-in action figures, it'll almost be worth it:



C'mon, admit it: How nifty is that?

If I'd waited one more day, no one would've hated me...

So, yesterday I tossed out all my geek street-cred by coming out as "I'd be okay with this" in regards to the rumors that Justin Timberlake was on the short-list to play The Green Lantern...
http://moviebob.blogspot.com/2009/07/get-ready-to-hate-me-folks.html

...as it turns out, nobody needed to get worked-up about anything either way. Regardless of whether Timberlake was ever on "the list" or not, Green Lantern will apparently be played by Ryan Reynolds: http://weblogs.variety.com/bfdealmemo/2009/07/ryan-reynolds-is-the-green-lantern.html

This will be met with near-universal acclaim and celebration by the film-geek set, of which I will have no trouble joining in. How much do nerds love Ryan Reynolds? Well, he participated in Blade 3, the desecration of "Deadpool" in the Wolverine movie, he appears largely in romantic comedies otherwise... and we DON'T hate him. That makes him damn near invincible. WHY do nerds love Ryan Reynolds? Well, because he openly gives the impression that he's "one of us" only much more handsome and successful, which makes him a first-class foil for projected self-image (see also: Bruce Campbell, Nathan Fillion.) For my part, I'm in debt to Reynolds because every film role he takes is a role that DIDN'T go to Dane Cook - in THAT respect, the man is doing the lord's work.

"So," some of you may be asking "that was WAY too fast to not have been mostly decided already; so why the business about Timberlake?" Who knows, really. But if a Z-lister internet film-commentator had to guess (and I do) I'd say it was a quick attempt to "work the web" - i.e. freaking the geek-set out with rumors of a choice most of them were bound to hate ("ZOMG! A pop-star my sister likes playing a DC hero!!??") in order to make the "good" real casting sound that much better.

Either way, while I stand by the notion that Timberlake would've been a good choice, there's no question that Reynolds is among the best anyone could hope for in the age-range that Warners was going to limit itself to for this role. For those not ultra-familiar with this particular franchise (but who still read this far) the version of Green Lantern apparently being done here is named Hal Jordan - a fearless-to-the-point-of-cocky US Army test-pilot who gets drafted as the Earth-jurisdiction arm of The Green Lantern Corps, an intergalactic police force who's agents fight spacecrime with magic rings that can create any object or image the wearer has the will and imagination to conjur. Can you see Reynolds being good in that? I can.

As for Timberlake... frankly, I hope both his "people" and various casting entities were paying attention to the fact that this "rumor" wasn't met with anything NEAR the bile anyone was expecting - I actually wasn't so "alone" in this at all, it turns out. Evidently, the "he's okay" blessing of nerd-demigod Andy Samberg was enough to make Timberlake palatable for a lot of people, in which case... hey, not for nothing, but his comic timing and substantial physical skills (ANYONE who can dance that well has action chops, plain and simple. I bet Fred Astaire lost very few fights in his day) would make him one terrific Barry "The Flash" Allen ;)

Experiment: Reading through "Twilight" (no, really) Part 4

(NOTE: The following post(s) include discussions of plot points from a bunch of books already published but that have not been made into movies yet, much of which can be considered SPOILERS. So no carping at me for not doing inviso-text or something.)

Quick preview/summary of the following spiel: Holy. Shit. What a disaster. I'm not exaggerating when I say that this (supposed) last act to "Twilight" actually makes all the prior novels slightly more attractive in comparison. I think the last time I saw a work of fiction go so completely awry in it's final moments it was "High Tension." But before I get going...

...in reading and reconsidering this series, I've tried to pinpoint what it is exactly that I found so off-putting about Stephenie Meyer's writing. What I think of her subtext is a seperate matter, I'm talking about the mechanics of storytelling. Finally, I think I have it: 'Twilight' reads like it's it's OWN fan-fiction. By that I mean, the bigger IDEAS at play here aren't all inherently bad - in fact, many of them have been GOOD many, many, many, MANY times before in other vampire books/movies/etc. It's a style/execution thing, in other words. Reading through, I was occasionally aware that - did I not know any better - I'd be inclined to assume that "Twilight" was actually some other, more interesting franchise and what I was reading was an "imaginary tale" composed by a 14 year-old fan to accompany the heavily manga-inspired pencil-sketch of various characters "doing it" she'd uploaded to DeviantArt. In any case...

Breaking Dawn: I observed before that the series is at it's worst whenever it tips into it's own mythology. Unfortunately for me, Book #4 is ALL mythology, ALL the time. The human supporting players either vanish, die or get brought in on "the deal;" so now it's ALL superpowered magical/mythic beings and their attendant whys and how-tos ALL the time. To be a little inside-nerd-baseball about it, the best descriptive I can find is that it reads like someone doing a near-perfect parody of Chris Claremont... except it's not meant to be funny.

To the story: Edward and Bella get married and jet off to experiment with vampire/human sex before she officially switches sides herself. The attempt ends with her waking up looking life a used pinata but accepting that it's her own fault for wanting sex in the first place - a position the book seems to agree with her on. Really.

Sidebar: Before we get any further, just so it doesn't have to keep coming up let me put down for the record that - seperately from my opinion on it's literary merits - on a purely THEMATIC level I loathe and despise every single archaic, hyperreligious, feminist-backlash bone in this series' body. Taken as a whole narrative, "Twilight" is basically all about taking a female lead who's essentially independent and cautiously-cynical about romance and teaching her (frequently by violence) the virtues of submissive co-dependency. All joking aside, fuck this.

So, in short-order, all that 'experimenting' unexpectedly leads to Bella getting knocked-up with a half-human/half-vampire baby that's apparently draining her life-energy en-route to making it's exit Chestburster-style. How exactly did this work, anyway? Three books have been spent telling us how ramped-up the vampires various physical attributes are AND how little self-control Edward has in these situations, so... look, it's been a long time since I read all the way through "Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex" (look it up) but instead of a fetilized egg shouldn't she instead have an exit wound somewhere in the vicinity of her tailbone? Whatever. The male characters mostly want her to get rid of it before it kills her (do coat-hangers even COME in pure silver? will it need to be blessed?) but she refuses even under threat of death because the fetus is talking to her and doesn't want to be "killed." Yeesh. Thus, we now have an answer to the question: "What if Sarah Palin had written 'Alien?"

A series of character-contrivances set up a big combination brawl/birthing/turning-Bella-into-a-vampire sequence (which if filmmed could potentially rival "Flash Gordon's" football-fight for what-am-I-watching high camp) capped off with Edward performing a C-section with his teeth. Huh. Okay, well... four books in, the male lead FINALLY does something cool. The resulting baby is a rapidly-maturing telepathic... well, "Daywalker" basically for those of you who've seen Blade (though in the Twilight universe having "none of a vampires weaknesses" means she'll have to apply her OWN body-glitter) and Jacob the werewolf falls in love with her while she's about an hour old via the werewolf "life-partner imprinting" thing. ...Yeah. Somehow, I imagine that a lot of heated Twilight fan-discussions of "imprinting" on the interweb end with one of the parties being surprised by Chris Hansen.

One Deus ex Moronica misunderstanding later, though, and the Volturi (bad guys) are making a beeline for some baby-vampire extermination (it's against the rules, or rather looks like something else thats against the rules.) Good guys' solution: call in favors from all the OTHER good vamps they know and meet the baddies with a joint good-vamp/werewolf army for a showdown. Alright, THAT I can get behind. Two teams of good and evil vampires lined up for combat throwing superpowers at eachother. Pretty hard to fuck THAT up, right?

...and then a character we've never met or heard of before shows up out of nowhere, explains that it's all a big misunderstanding to the bad guys, the bad guys go "oh, okay. Our bad," waste ONE extraneous bit-player for good measure and then take off. And that's it - it's over. No, really. That's the big finish to this: The villians shrug and walk home, the good guys get back to playing house. No major status-quo changes, nobody important dies, nothing.

Yeah, I wouldn't even know where to start to "wrap up." Suffice it to say, this last one is the one I'd most like to see as a movie just on the basis of how silly it all gets. Overall, I can say that gaining a better "understanding" of this series didn't actually help me LIKE it any more. It starts out boring, flirts with becoming interesting towards the middle then crashes and burns at the climax... not much more to say of it than that. In the end, I'd say this "experiment" made for amusing blogging. Maybe I'll do it again sometime... if I find myself in a situation where I can blaze through another similar inexplicably-popular series. Did "Left Behind" officially end, yet?

Get ready to hate me, folks...

Courtest AICN comes this weekend's geekdom anger-generator du jour:
http://www.aintitcool.com/node/41645
Apparently on the shortlist of actor's desired for Warner Bros. Green Lantern movie? Justin Timberlake. Let the battle begin.

So... here's something you need to understand about movie geeks and superheroes: Right now, they (okay, we) hate EVERY superhero casting decision until we don't anymore; usually for the sole reason that the role has not gone to Nathan Fillion, who is generally adjudged to be "perfect" for every such role due to having a vaugely all-American WASPy look and having appeared as an action lead for Nerd-God Joss Whedon (see also: David Boreanaz.) But if you REALLY want to get our dander up? Cast someone who's more popular with "the mainstream" and/or tween-aged girls than with us. Which is why I doubt that this is true, because it's "too perfect" of a "rile the fanboys up" scenario.

However, since I'm feeling frisky, let me throw every shred of my film-geek street-cred away and say that I think it'd be good casting.

Yeah, I said it.

No, he wouldn't be my first choice. Yes, I think he looks too young. But then, we think EVERYONE is too young. Hell, Christian Bale is frankly a little too "fresh" looking as Bruce Wayne, yes? The fact is, we all want superheroes to look like our surrogate father-figures no matter how old we get - this is why Alex Ross's paintings are so "iconic": he paints these characters who're mostly supposed to be in the mid-30s at the oldest looking like hard-hewn 40-something John Wayne type dudes who these days ONLY exist in paintings and old movies. Warners is almost-certainly NOT going to cast someone over thirty as the lead in an action franchise.

As to Timberlake... look, we ALL despised NSync. But if you still "hate" this guy, I'm sorry, you need to mentally leave High School behind. He's an extremely talented singer and dancer (not a genre I enjoy, but that he excells at it is a fact) and his SNL stints prove he's gifted actor with great comic timing and real physicality. Not to mention - and I'm aware of the daming with faint praise aspect of this - he frankly has much more of a grown-up "man" look than most other actors in his range. I mean, would you rather they go with LaBeouf, again?

Heck, there's even prior acting experience to point to: Jordan is supposed to be military man, and Timberlake played an Army Rangers vet pretty convincingly in "Black Snake Moan." I'm sticking by this: He'd be well-cast in this role.
 
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