"Happy Birthday"

Not content to continue making it's own mistakes, "The Amazing Spider-Man" franchise (which was actually looking a little better what with Paul Giamatti now officially playing The Rhino) is now intimating that it intends to make Sam Raimi's mistakes as well...

Day 3. #happybirthday twitter.com/MarcW/status/2…
— Marc Webb (@MarcW) February 7, 2013

This picture of a metallic locker numbered "14" was Tweeted by ASM2 director Marc Webb yesterday, as part of what's become a succession of cryptic prop-image teases from the now-shooting film. The "Happy Birthday" seems to be in teference to the actor playing Harry Osborn in the movie, but the reason The Internet is flipping out over the image-proper is that in the Ultimate Spider-Man comics "Locker #14" is where Ultimate Peter Parker and Ultimate Eddie Brock found the Ultimate Symbiote Suit that wound up turning Ultimate Eddie Brock into Ultimate Venom. Ultimately.

I actually had to look that up, incidentally - I don't have any USM trades onhand, and to be frank the series never left much lasting impression on me. Hence why I never put a lot of stock into the various justifications for the stuff I hated in the first movie being "closer to the Ultimate universe." I know it is, folks - and it wasn't good there, either.

So... Venom again, possibly as a post-credits tease for Part 3.

Sigh.

For me, Venom belongs on that list of comics characters/stories like Doomsday and "Knightfall" that just aren't good but could maybe be gutted, skinned and reshaped into something halfway-useful for a movie. What has The Internet riled up about it in this case (apart from refusal to accept that simply seeing Spider-Man and his dull MacFarlane-era 90s foil tussel onscreen won't be the Greatest Moment Ever) is the connection to the "Happy Birthday!" tweet, which - if toy reeeeeeaaaaaaallllllllyyyyy stretch it - could be taken to imply that it's Harry Osboron, not Brock, that becomes Black Monsterface Spider-Man. I think that's how they went in the current, Marvel Movieverse tied-in "Ultimate Spider-Man" animated series, so there's that.

Incidentally, in the Ultimate comics the Ultimate Symbiote is tied into the Ultimate Research being done for Ultimate Oscorp by Ultimate Richard Parker; so this could be another indication that we're not abandoning that insipid plotline for these sequels. Ultimate Bummer.

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Oh For Fuck's Sake...

That's it. I'm done. DONE. From now on I only have ONE ironclad rule for who should-be/would-be-good-if tapped to direct this or that "geek" franchise: A.B.A. Anyone But Abrams.

And yes, I'm including Michael Bay, Uwe Boll, Brett Ratner, Joel Schumacher, etc. I will gladly - happily, in fact - take memorably-awful "we'll learn from this" catatrophes over the continued mediocratization of the so-called 'nerd-cinema.' ENOUGH, at long last, with the "good-enough-ing" of what was for a moment there an immensely positive movement in blockbuster-level filmmaking.

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Big Picture: "Tooned Out"

Here's The Internet's other great big ol' nostalgia bomb for the week... but just wait till you see what I've got in store for next time ;)

The Escapist : The Big Picture : Tooned Out

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Total Brilliance

Little sick of gaming-nostalgia mash-ups? Me too. But this? This is FUCKING BRILLIANT.

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"G.I. Joe: Retaliation Goes Viral, Satirical

I love this.

You might recall that the first "G.I. Joe" movie was target of some trumped-up rage from the right-wing media for not being patriotic enough; because the team had gone international (it kinda always was, but don't tell them that) and were fighting made-up terrorists instead of Al Qaeda (also as-always, and also don't tell them that - "9/11 Changed EVERYTHING!" (TM) and it was apparently every action figure's duty to make paranoid assholes feel better about themselves by face-punching Muslim-looking people onscreen.)

Well, those guys should probably start their engines once again...

Anyway, you might also recall that the film ended with the bad guys more-or-less winning: While the Joe's were busy blowing up an ice fortress, Cobra Commander had not created... er, himself and Destro; he'd also managed to replace the President of the United States with master-of-diguise Zartan. Now, in the sequel, COBRA has effectively seized control of the American government (and military) and is using that position to threaten other nations. So... yeah, the premise of "G.I. Joe: Retaliation" is G.I. Joe - formerly America's Reagan-era Exceptionalism Super-Squad - having to rescue the rest of planet from a renagade, war-mongering American military.

However good or bad this movie turns out to be... that - as the premise of a big-budget summer movie franchise that comes (literally) wrapped in the American flag - is pretty goddamn ballsy.

Now, to drive the point home, this new viral ad has hit the web: A near-perfect imitation of current U.S. Military recruitment ads (complete with what sounds like Keith David voiceover - you'd think his contract with the Army itself would specifically forbid stuff like this) ...but for COBRA, one of the all-time notorious fictional terrorist organizations:



Look... I'm not exactly expecting this movie to be a "Starship Troopers"-level brutal satire or anything, but there's a certain amount of risk in this, and risk deserves praise in this medium.

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Want To Know The (POSSIBLE) Premise of "Avengers 3?"

MAJOR POTENTIAL SPOILERS IN LINKS AND AFTER JUMP!

It's been quite a ride for Latino Review, a NY-based movie news/gossip site originally set up to focus on stories related to Latino stars and projects that has in addition become a go-to site for comic-book movie scoops thanks to the alarmingly-excellent digging skills of one "El Mayimbe," who claims to be acting (in part) out of a cheeky vendetta against Marvel Studios brass for pulling some shady business on a professional pal.

To date, probably their biggest scoop was breaking the subject of the post-credits teaser at the end of "Avengers" (and thus the principal over-arching antagonist of Marvel's "Phase 2" projects) before anyone else; but now they're claiming to have gone one bigger. Revealed tonight in a much-hyped video blog recorded in front of Marvel's NY offices, "El Mayimbe" purports to know A.) Marvel's long-term plans for an Avenger whose cinematic future hasn't been made 100% clear yet, B.) A major plot detail for "Avengers 2" and C.) The actual premise of "Avengers 3."

This should ALL be considered rumor, but highly reliable rumor (with the caveat that plans this long-term can always easily change) and thus possible MAJOR SPOILAGE. If you want to hear what the man has to say, hit the jump/keep reading. If not, turn back now:



Last chance not to read any further folks (assuming you haven't hit "play" yet)

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So... Mark Ruffalo did sign the Marvel-standard six-movie deal, and the big arc of the plan is apparently to take him through Movieverse versions of PLANET HULK and WORLD WAR HULK.

Short version: "Planet Hulk" was a year-long story arc wherein Hulk was blasted into deep space "for his own good" (and everyone else's) by The Illuminati, a secret brain-trust of powerful/connected Marvel denizens (Mr. Fantastic, Professor X, Namor, Black Bolt, Doctor Strange, Iron Man, etc) whom we come to learn are responsible for coordinating certain overly-coincidental big events throughout past Marvel continuity.

As the title implies, Hulk winds up on a semi-primitive planet where - for the first time - being an unstoppable giant monster is an asset; allowing him to become a sword-swinging, gladiator-fighting, army-leading, princess-wooing Conan-esque barbarian hero. "John Carter," except with The Hulk. Awesome. Meanwhile, back down on Earth, tragic circumstances and some more Illuminati meddling cause the "Marvel Civil War" event to unfold, leaving everything pretty well fractured for when Hulk turns up on Earth looking for payback with an alien army under his command for "World War Hulk."

Based on "El Mayimbe's" info, it would appear that "Illuminati shoot Hulk into space" is either planned as the finale or post-finale of "Avengers 2," with "Planet Hulk" presumably being a movie of it's own in "Phase 3" and events similar to "World War Hulk" being the starting premise for "Avengers 3."

Here's the part of this that makes MAJOR sense to me: Assuming for a moment that the movie-verse version of The Illuminati aren't just going to be the shadowy Council seen bossing S.H.I.E.L.D. around in "Avengers," that would be a bunch of new guys all showing up at once, named or otherwise. In the comics, the membership of The Illuminati included Tony Stark, Black Bolt (of "The Inhumans"), Doctor Strange and Namor - with Black Panther invited but abstaining. What do all those guys have in common, apart from Iron Man? They're all heavily rumored to have movies or movie-appearances happening as part of "Phase 2." How do you top revealing one big character at the end of Part 1? Revealing the next FIVE big characters at the end of Part 2.

Hulk as the antagonist of the third "Avengers?" color me intrigued, sure... but what really interests me is what "Planet Hulk" would be as a live-action movie of it's own (it was already turned into an above-average animated feature for DVD): In the comic, Hulk is in Hulk form for abut 95% of the story, and most of the alien characters are distinctly non-humanoid. Assuming they don't change that up so that Ruffalo would have more screentime as Banner... would this end up being an almost entirely-CGI-animated feature a'a "Avatar?"

This will be worth watching, especially since Marvel will probably spend a week or so denying all of this.

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Escape to The Movies: "Warm Bodies"

I liked it.

New Intermission as well.

The Escapist : Escape to the Movies : Warm Bodies

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